This was a lovely start, and it set a good foundation for the story ahead. I'm intrigued to learn more about this world and its characters, which is an impressive accomplishment with how short this demo is.
There was some awkward phrasing and grammar, but it's all pretty surface level. I encourage you to team up with a proofreader and keep working on this game going forward.
Also, a tip from a fellow dev: I notice you've got your web build in the downloads section. If you want it to embed at the top of the page (which you probably do. People are way more likely to try out a web build than they are to download), you need to select HTML from the "Kind of project" dropdown, then move your web build to the top of your Uploads list and select the "This file will be played in the browser" checkbox.
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This was a lovely start, and it set a good foundation for the story ahead. I'm intrigued to learn more about this world and its characters, which is an impressive accomplishment with how short this demo is.
There was some awkward phrasing and grammar, but it's all pretty surface level. I encourage you to team up with a proofreader and keep working on this game going forward.
Also, a tip from a fellow dev: I notice you've got your web build in the downloads section. If you want it to embed at the top of the page (which you probably do. People are way more likely to try out a web build than they are to download), you need to select HTML from the "Kind of project" dropdown, then move your web build to the top of your Uploads list and select the "This file will be played in the browser" checkbox.
Hope this helps, and good luck!